More Great Homer Quotes

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Homer: “See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how’s that for freedom of choice?”

Homer: “I’ve learned my lesson: a mountain of sugar is too much for one man. It’s clear now why God portions it out in those tiny packets, and why he lives of a plantation in Hawaii.”

Homer: “I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.”

Homer: “Shut up, brain, or I’ll stab you with a Q-tip!”

Homer: “‘To start press any key.’ Well where’s the ‘any’ key? I see Esc, Catarl, and PigUp. There doesn’t seem to be any ‘any’ key!”

Homer: “It's about women, and how they are not mere objects with curves that make us crazy. No, they are our wives, they are our daughters, our sisters, our grandmas, our aunts, our nieces and nephews. Well, not our nephews.”

Homer: “Ooh, I love your magazine. My favorite section is ‘How to increase your word power.’ That thing is really... really.. really.... good.”

Homer: “When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV!”

Homer: “Don’t worry, I’ve been working on a plan. During the exam, I’ll hide under some coats, and hope that somehow everything will work out.”

Homer: “People can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. Forfty percent of all people know that.”

Homer: “Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial.”
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Jan 29, 2009 - Latest Simpsons News

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Making sense of it all, the Simpsons way
The Malaysian Insider Wed, 28 Jan 2009 5:59 PM PST
JAN 29 — I was watching “The Simpsons” today and it happened to be the episode entitled “The Monkey Suit” in which Lisa Simpson, Bart’s much-smarter sister, tried to get her school to stop the teaching of creationism to students and instead focus on Darwin’s theory of evolution. After failing in her protest with Principal Skinner, she then takes her case to the town hall for the mayor and the ...

Simpsons producers ‘have a cow’ as Bart lends his voice to Scientologists
Times Online Thu, 29 Jan 2009 3:18 PM PST
Bart Simpson used to be an underachiever and proud of it. These days, it seems, he’s an Operating Thetan VII in the Church of Scientology and proud of that, too.

Bart Simpson's Voice Speaks for Scientology
E! Online via Yahoo! News Wed, 28 Jan 2009 5:33 PM PST
The Simpsons has never been one to shy away from poking fun at organized Judeo-Christian religions. But not because Springfield's first family is aspiring to thetan level seven.

Hathaway laughs off Follieri split with Simpson role
world entertainment news via Yahoo! UK & Ireland News Thu, 29 Jan 2009 3:30 AM PST
Anne Hathaway is laughing off her failed relationship with incarcerated conman ex Raffaello Follieri by playing the girlfriend to a crooked clown on hit animated series The Simpsons.

Hi, This Is Bart Simpson Calling On Behalf Of Scientology
Arts Journal Thu, 29 Jan 2009 6:48 AM PST
Producers of "The Simpsons" "have denied any involvement with a Scientology-promoting voice mail recorded by Nancy Cartwright, who has provided the voice of Bart Simpson for 20 years.... The message begins with her saying, 'Yo, what's happenin' man, this is Bart Simpson.

Fox's Limp Rebuke To Scientology Bart Simpson Calls [Scientology]
Gawker Wed, 28 Jan 2009 9:00 PM PST
newVideoPlayer("/bart_robocall_gawker.flv", 506, 423,"");The Scientologist who voices Bart Simpson used the character in robo-calls promoting a Los Angeles-area cult event. Simpsons creator Fox could...

Anne Hathaway laughs off Follieri split with 'Simpson' role
New Kerala Wed, 28 Jan 2009 11:03 PM PST
London, Jan 29 : Anne Hathaway is making fun of her failed relationship with the now imprisoned Italian businessman Raffaello Follieri by playing a crooked clown's girlfriend in hit animated series 'The Simpsons'.
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Pics of Fry - Futurama

Pics of the Simpson Family

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Pics of Lisa

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Quotes: Moe Szyslak Favourites

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Moe Szyslak: "If you’re going to beat up my friend in my bar, it's a 2 drink minimum"

“I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff.”

“Hi, my name's Moe. Or as the ladies like to refer to me, 'hey you in the bushes'”

“Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.”

Moe Szyslak: “Thanks Homer, no one's ever trusted me before. Except for that one guy who shouldn't have.”
Homer: “That was me.”

“One thing Moe Szyslak has never had is a partner. Nor a wife, a friend, a chum, a casual acquaintance, a pen pal, a parrot, a meaningful conversation, a brief hug, or eye contact. I'm just going to call the suicide hotline now.”

“Ehh, they think they’re so high and mighty. Just because they never got caught driving without pants.”
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Bart's Blackboard Lines

Here's a list of (most of) the lines Bart is forced to write on the blackboard at the beginning of each show:

I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not fake my way through life
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatuent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
High explosives and school don't mix
I will not bribe Principal Skinner
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I will try to raise a better child (written by Marge, force by Ms. Krabaple)
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not deliciously saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
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Group Pics of Characters

The Simpsons - Great Homer Quotes

Homer: "How come stupid things that happen to stupid people always happen to me."

Homer to Bart: “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”

Homer to Marge: "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

Homer to Marge: “But Marge, I swear to you - I never thought you’d find out!”

Homer: “See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how’s that for freedom of choice?”

Homer to Abe: “Aw, Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re an old man now, and old people are useless.”

Homer on life: "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

Homer to family: “Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.”

Homer to Bart: "Just remember; never be afraid to live your life on the edge... Now let's get home before your mother kills us."

Homer to Marge: “A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it’s a tool. Like a butcher knife or a harpoon, or...or an alligator.”

Homer to Marge: “You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?”

Homer to Bart: "Well, you know boy, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."