The Simpsons - Great Homer Quotes

Homer: "How come stupid things that happen to stupid people always happen to me."

Homer to Bart: “Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.”

Homer to Marge: "Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."

Homer to Marge: “But Marge, I swear to you - I never thought you’d find out!”

Homer: “See these? American donuts. Glazed, powdered, and raspberry-filled. Now, how’s that for freedom of choice?”

Homer to Abe: “Aw, Dad, you’ve done a lot of great things, but you’re an old man now, and old people are useless.”

Homer on life: "In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women."

Homer to family: “Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it’s all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.”

Homer to Bart: "Just remember; never be afraid to live your life on the edge... Now let's get home before your mother kills us."

Homer to Marge: “A gun is not a weapon, Marge, it’s a tool. Like a butcher knife or a harpoon, or...or an alligator.”

Homer to Marge: “You never know when an old calendar might come in handy. Sure, it’s not 1985 now, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?”

Homer to Bart: "Well, you know boy, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."